Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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