evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
