Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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