So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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