I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
