just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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