Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
