her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
