I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
