Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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