But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
