people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize