hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
