You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
