WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Randomize
