sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
