I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
