Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
