I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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