he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
