While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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