bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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