My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
