Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
don't judge my taste in strippers
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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