so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Welp...herpes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
