the condom got lost in my hair
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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