I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
