And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
