so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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