Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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