babies were throwing up all over the place
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
