3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
