He managed to light the Jello on fire...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
