saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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