Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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