I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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