I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize