She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
