Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
