my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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