I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
