I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
