I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
