Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
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I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
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To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?