Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
