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Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
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