I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked