i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......