i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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