...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
