Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
