Those balls look pretty dangerous.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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