he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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