He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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