ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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