Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
