she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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