Do you still have your period?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
