I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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