It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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