I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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