Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
