i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
