9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The uberlube is also flammable
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
