I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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