You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
