My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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