i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I will die if light touches me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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