Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
