Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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