Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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