saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
