i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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