Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
