what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
two words: eviction party
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
