i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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