There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
