My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
