i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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