TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
