I wish my penis had an off switch
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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