I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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