He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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