Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
