You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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