I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
