she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
