Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
