i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just cut my nipple shaving
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
