I skipped work to stalk him.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
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I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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