my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
